Alone

"I like to be alone."
Is a lie widespread.
Alone, is not isolation,
Alone, is more than confinement.
No one would wish to be alone,
Had they known what alone speaks.
Cut-off all ties and you are alone,
As if disowned by everyone, then you're alone.
To rest your head in the shoulders of solace
Only to find that shoulder wants you to be alone.
For no one likes a selfish carp,
No one wants the trouble kid.
Keep away and run from him
And the selfish kid is now alone
He wants to speak, but there's none to hear,
His echo drives him crazy.
For all are repulsed and all are annoyed
And silences yell at the selfish kid.
That is the parcel of being alone.
Alone is dark blue and black,
With whispers of despair, despise,
And shrieks of self-loathe and doubt.
Alone, is not wanted.
You don't like to be alone.

Nightmare

Dreams don't hold true, but fear does,
Unheard shrieks, sudden blood rush.
A falling man, wicked smiles,
Scarlet veins and scattered guiles.
A plummet to void deep wide dark,
Slashed skin but no cut mark.
Pricking pinches of reality check,
Unfelt sighs that none is wreck.
They say abyss means you're powerless,
Demons say you're not in control,
Chasing speaks of inhibition, distress,
And death means a novel goal.
Widened eyes and striking panics,
Yell and cries, scream like manics,
The word never heard
And the world doesn't care
How you cry or die in your nightmare.

The Faces Of Grief

(Each stanza representing a stage in the experience of grief.)

You left and I could never stop you
I cried for days and pinched me hurt
You were by my side one moment
And another, in a sirened rush.

I begged and fell, prayed to heavens
Like never before,
Threw myself to the ground in disbelief
And shrieked for you to appear again
I wished it was a nightmare like always
I wished it weren't true.
The cold tears differed.

I frowned, drowned and hurt myself
Hit me hard and widened eyes
Was it anger that you left me alone?
Or was it my helplessness?
I don't wish to know.

It should have been me,
It could have been me.
But does destiny ever obey?
I fell distraught and desolate,
The one to hold me up is gone.

My world stopped at a standstill
But time went on without a care
I kept silent as days struggled through,
Lost in the memories
Of bygone togetherness.

Months have passed
And you haven't spoken to me
Haven't caressed my hair like you did
You're really gone.
And everyone says I've dealt the best with
yourloss,
If only they knew the mask that I wear
And could feel the tears that flow beneath it.
If only you were here

To Those Who Were Just Having Fun

You pushed around me and I kept my calm,
You called me names and I laughed along
And soon you saw me calling myself out too,
Great work adding me to the list of my haters.

I wonder if you wondered it was all fun and games,
All an innocent joke, what harm could it do?
Have you ever been on the other side?
Have you tried to think for me?

It isn't a party being played around,
To cry to sleep every other night,
To fear your feet falling on the ground
To tremble on your way to normalcy,
When you know what happens again.

Moments of frolic for you,
For me, years of self-hate, fear.
And I hope you know who you are,
For you laughed on how fat that boy looked,
And he tried to starve himself thin,
He dealt his sleep with anxieties
And his mirror was covered.
You giggled on how ugly that girl was,
And she lost her will to breath again,
She shut all doors and burst her veins,
She feels worthless still.
And you did that to them,
I pity you.

Monotony

The air around is sick of strident silence
But I stand with no more than empty hands.
The trees, with their stooping canopies,
Look at me and pry with hope, like the intrusive aunt,
And I respond with shrugged shoulders and rolling eyes.
I'm sorry I'm out of wits,
Just like they're out of leaves.
Both waiting for our springs to breeze in.

Desolation

My head feels heavier with all the guilt
An unending remorse of I know not what
And a constant prick is wearing me down
To squinching eyes and troubled thought.
I look for reason and find only voids
Unending, unknown voids amidst the
Dense of my pondering
And the dense folds of my head
Peaks and hills that I dare not tred.
The cranium holds a greater weight
As my mind turns to stone.
My latent incapacities
Shreak me down to every bone.
And I wonder why my head hurts
I wonder why I bleed, within.
Why I try and try but fail again
And start and end with sheer nothing.
The eyes now render scarlet
And scars taint the yellows with red.
My sleep is stolen, shadows broken
And I sink too deep in all my dread.
Rescue me from desolation.

Is It Normal?

Is it normal that none is normal,

That every question of well-being

Could be answered by a thousand anguished essays,

But makes do with a four-lettered fine,

That each eye has a reason for the hidden tears

That none display and pretend a lark.

Each of us with a vivid woe,

But the reply is forever okay.

Is it normal to not feel normal?

Are we allowed our share of cries?

Is it normal to be seen the happiest one?

Even when your bones shriek silence within.

Is it okay to ignore sometimes?

Is it normal to be selfish?

It is.

Congratulations...

The skies seem blue, how odd.
The stars, the stellars turn salient
And to disturb is no sound of metal.
The birds chirp all day long
And perhaps wonder where
The creatures with no wings have vanished.

Dolphins splash up and into deep wide blue,
Who knew there existed dolphins here
Wheels have stopped, egoes dropped,
And existence has come to doubt again.

The predator, now prey, shrivels up
Inside its turtleshell.
There has been judgement
And has it gone the right way?

What bustled with feet,
Holds none this night
And ironed fists now stoop to beg.
While chyrons scream, scream of rout and collapse.

What have we done?

If I Have To Leave...

What if it so happens
That a newer blossom wilts away
That people find it way too young
For someone like me to leave just yet
I hope not true, I have better gardens to be
More aromas to share, more stories to speak
But if it so happens that I had to go
Here is my plea and a request to invoke
Don't give in to the pyre so soon
I may have something left to lend within me
Perhaps, a vision for someone devoid
Or a part of me, if it remains any good
Or bless me away to the brighter minds
Do away with my belongings, most of them
Don't keep them for my essence, some may find it better
Don't greet my picture with weeping faces,
I beheld those enough with living eyes
Have a glad meal and share with the hungered eyes, and smile
Atleast pretend
Don't call in saints, nor holy fires
Give my stiff to science, and not superstition
And care for my friends who mourned and cried
There wouldn't be many
My work, my verse is yours to decide
Take a look or burn it down, how would I mind
I'm having the sleep of my life
Or perhaps, the sleep of my death.